It’s time for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (aka, FOWC).
Today’s word is “spare.”
Lorraine studied her reflection in the mirror and burst into tears. She threw herself on the bed and cried into her pillow.
My bikini days are over before they even began! All that dieting and working out for nothing! I’ll never get rid of this spare tire gut and my thunder thighs.
Eventually Lorraine pulled herself together and got up from the bed. Avoiding the mirror, she shed the offending bikini and slipped into her baggy jeans and faded REO Speedwagon t-shirt.
Much better!
She collected the bikini and headed to Neiman-Marcus to return it. She dreaded it too. The salespeople were always so rude at that store. They act like they’re better than their customers with all that whispering and giggling.
Lorraine walked into Neiman-Marcus and promptly got sprayed with perfume by some skinny blonde woman trying to sell the stuff.
“WTF?” Lorraine looked the woman in the eye. “How do you know I’m not allergic?”
The woman blinked and smiled and then busied herself spraying other customers coming in the door.
She made her way to the swimsuit department and went up to the cashier who was texting someone on her cellphone. Lorraine read her name tag and then waited about seven minutes before saying, “Corina! Excuse me? I’d like to return this?”
“K, just a sec.” She continued texting.
“I don’t have a sec. I’ve been here for almost ten minutes!”
Corina slammed her phone down and heaved a sigh. The poor girl seemed really put out. She looked at Lorraine as if she were an intruder. “What did you need, now?”
“I’m returning this.” she put the bag on the counter.
“Why? What’s wrong with it?”
“Doesn’t fit.”
The cashier took the bikini out of the bag and inspected it. “I guess not!“
Lorraine fought the urge to throat punch her. She felt her face turning red and her bottom lip started to quiver. Corina smiled. She knew she had drawn blood.
“Would you like to try a larger size?”
“Would you like me to rip your face off?”
Corina’s jaw dropped. “Um, uh. No. No, ma’am.” She quickly made the return and handed Lorraine the receipt. “Thank you and come back again!”
“When hell freezes.” She smiled sweetly.
On the way home, Lorraine decided to treat herself to a Big Mac and fries. She told herself she deserved it after such a harrowing morning.
Spare tire, be damned!
aka, The Abject Muse 
Tell it like it is