Author: Ergo, the Ogre

Today’s writing prompt at The Haunted Wordsmith Blog is scarecrow.

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Since Hallowe’en is just around the corner, I’ve decided to go out in the field (pun intended) to interview one of the key players of the Hallowe’en experience.

TAM: Good morning, Mr. Scarecrow!

SC: Actually Miss, “scarecrow” is my line of work, not my name.

TAM: <blush> My apologies. What shall I call you?

SC: Barry. My name’s Barry Dingle.

TAM: Thank you, Barry. Now, how did you happen to get into this line of work?

SC: It’s a long story. When I graduated from high school, I enlisted in the Marines. Everything went along fine until roll call. That pretty much ruined it for me.

TAM: How so?

SC: Well! You may have seen in movies how they call out your last name first, and first name last. Imagine hearing “Dingle, Barry!” hollered every morning, and the entire platoon laughing their asses off.

TAM: Right, I see what you mean. So what did you do?

SC: Moved back in with my folks.

TAM: Your folks?

SC: Parents. You know, everybody has (or had) a set.

TAM: And where do they live?

SC: Ireland. The Bay of Dingle. Yep! My ancestors founded the place. It’s really quite lovely.

TAM: I’m sure it is. What did you do in Dingle Bay?

SC: You see, I come from a long line of scarecrows. It’s more or less the family business. So, I thought maybe I could work with my dad, but he said—and rightly so—that no potato field is big enough for two scarecrows. I talked him into trying it for a week though, and he ended up beating the stuffing out of me.

TAM: Oh, no!

SC: Oh, yeah.

TAM: Then what happened?

SC: I came to America and snagged this scarecrow gig. Been here ever since.

TAM: What’s the one thing you’d like people to know about scarecrows?

SC: For starters, that dipshit in the Wizard of Oz gives us all a bad name. “If I only had a brain…” Gimme a break! Just because he’s brainless doesn’t mean we all are. Man, I hate that guy!

TAM: I see… Tell me, what are the drawbacks of your line of work?

SC: Hmmm.  Well, if you aren’t crazy about the outdoors, this isn’t the job for you. And it helps if you like birds.

TAM: Do you ever get bored?

SC: Naaah! It’s pretty Zen, actually. I meditate quite a lot, and I do love my bird friends. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to work.

TAM: It was a pleasure talking with you, Barry.

SC: Likewise. Ohmmmmm… Ohmmmmm…

And there you have it! The straight dope on the life of a scarecrow.~ Reporting live, from the field…The Abject Muse.