Ergo, the Ogre

Author: Ergo, the Ogre

  • 3TC #MM58 | The Fluke

    3TC #MM58 | The Fluke

    Welcome to the daily Three Things Challenge.
    Use your imagination and creativity using one, two or all three words that may or may not be related. There are no restrictions regarding length, style, or genre, though please keep it family friendly.

    Tag your responses with 3TC, #threethingschallenge or TTC, and you can add Di’s logo if you wish.

    pink rose

    Looking forward to reading your responses.

    Your three words today are:
    ELITE
    ELUSIVE
    ENDURE

    Dottie and Eddie endured years of scrimping, saving, putting in overtime and sometimes even working two jobs, to escape the poverty they were both born into. And now, it finally paid off: Today they were moving away from their crime-ridden, gang-infested ‘hood and into one of Chicago’s elite northern suburbs.

    There wasn’t much to move since their furniture was so old; it was used when they got it. The appliances stayed at the apartment so there was no need for a moving van. They simply loaded their stuff into the old station wagon and left.

    Pulling up to the guard station in their new gated community was embarrassing, especially for Dottie. Cars were lining up behind them and some drivers were getting impatient. The guard didn’t believe that they actually belonged there and made a couple of phone calls while eyeing Dottie and Eddie with suspicion.

    “I feel like one of the Beverly Hillbillies,” Dottie said. “At least we don’t have a mattress tied to the roof.”

    “I get to be Jethro!” Eddie said in a loud voice. “You can either be Granny or Ellie Mae. What’s it gonna be?”

    “Thank God for your sense of humor.” Dottie laughed. “Ellie Mae, all the way!”

    The guard stuck his head out the window. “Welcome to your new home,” he said, pokerfaced. “Hope you’ll be happy here.” The gate opened and they drove through.

    “This place is gorgeous,” Dottie marveled, as they drove through the neighborhood. “I can’t believe we live here!”

    “I’m gonna park this thing in the garage,” Eddie sighed. “Look how people are staring.”

    “That’s just because we’re new. Look! There’s our house!” Dottie pointed excitedly.

    “Yep!” Eddie swung into the driveway and pushed the button to open the garage door. “We’re home, baby!”

    Dottie giggled. “Can you believe it?”

    “Actually, yes.” Eddie said, “After all that hard work, definitely, yes.”

    As soon as they unloaded the car, the truck carrying their new furniture pulled up.

    “It’s here, it’s here!” Dottie squealed.

    They spent the rest of the day arranging furniture and getting things organized. For dinner, they had pizza delivered and Eddie ran out to get a couple six packs of Michelob and a bottle of Chianti for Dottie.

    “I wonder who our neighbors are.” Dottie said. “Have you seen anybody?”

    “Nope.” Eddie took a long swig of beer. “Maybe they went away for the weekend.”

    “Everybody?”

    Eddie shrugged. “I dunno …”

    That night, they turned in early. Aside from being exhausted, they planned to attend church the next morning.

    Around 3:00am Dottie and Eddie were awakened by approaching sirens. Eddie got up to see what was going on. He saw it when he peeked out the window: a cross of flames.

    Sonovobitch.

    Dottie came up behind him, still tying her bathrobe. “What’s going on?”

    She looked outside in time to see the fire truck pull up, followed by a couple of police cars.

    Tears filled her eyes, and she collapsed into Eddie’s arms. “Oh, Eddie, why? Why do they do this? This is our home and they’re ruining it!”

    Eddie held her close and let her cry. “It’ll be okay, you’ll see. Everything will be okay. It’s just a fluke.”

    Eddie didn’t believe a word of it.

  • Two of Pentacles | Pride & Panic

    Two of Pentacles | Pride & Panic

    Arnold stopped wearing clothes when he was around 13 years old. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror during gym class and decided he could no longer deprive the world of his tantalizing physique.

    His parents tried everything from grounding Arnold to psychiatric counseling. Grounding him was a joke. He simply spent all of his time in front of the mirror. The psychiatrist’s diagnosis was that the boy not only suffered from profound vanity, but also Grandiose Delusional Disorder. He prescribed an anti-psychotic which Arnold refused to take.

    The school Arnold went to insisted that the students wear clothes. No nudity, whatsoever. This meant that Arnold would have to be home schooled. This threw a monkey wrench into his parents’ lives. Arnold’s mom had to quit her job at Tesla Chariots & Rowboats and his dad had to look for part-time work in addition to his welding job at Three Greek Guys, just to make ends meet.

    It was lucky that Arnold was a smart kid and would do the schoolwork on his own — as long as there was a mirror in the room. He liked to steal glances at himself from time to time.

    When Arnold turned 16, he started sprouting wings. Nobody knew what to make of it, but Arnold was certain his wings were a gift from the gods. It’s the only thing that made sense.

    There was no dealing with Arnold once those wings appeared. Now, he was truly obsessed with himself and how the wings set off his muscular physique. He spent all of his time in front of the mirror or fiddling with his wings, making sure they were fluffy, neat, and shiny.

    One day, Arnold decided to take himself for a spin. His parents forbade it until his 18th birthday, but Arnold figured he was close enough. Besides, what could go wrong?

    Soon, Arnold was airborne! It was as if he’d been flying his whole life. It felt so natural and empowering. After a while, Arnold found himself high above the Aegean Sea. He’d been so enthralled with the amazing view and the feeling of flying; he neglected to pay attention to where he was going.

    Suddenly, five strange, large birds were surrounding him. They reminded him of pterodactyls although they weren’t quite that big. Larger than an eagle; smaller than a pterodactyl. These behemoth birds were screeching at him and nipping at his beautiful wings. Arnold began to cry and was unable to catch his breath — major panic attack.

    The crazed birds continued plucking his feathers out and it was becoming difficult to fly.

    Finally, there were no longer enough feathers to keep him in the air, and Arnold plummeted into the sea.

    His body was never found, so it is possible that Arnold had survived. Perhaps a boat picked him up or he was able to swim to shore.

    Either way, his parents put the house up for sale and moved away.

    No forwarding address.

  • 3TC #MM57 | The Laugh Riot

    3TC #MM57 | The Laugh Riot

    Welcome to the daily Three Things Challenge.
    Use your imagination and creativity using one, two or all three words that may or may not be related. There are no restrictions regarding length, style, or genre, though please keep it family friendly.

    Tag your responses with 3TC, #threethingschallenge or TTC, and you can add Di’s logo if you wish.

    pink rose

    Looking forward to reading your responses.

    Your three words today are:
    WITTY
    WILLFUL
    WONDROUS

    Leonard was the wittiest person he knew. He loved to sit around and tell himself jokes. Sometimes he’d laugh so hard he couldn’t breathe. In fact, he found himself so hilarious that he began to actively look for work as a stand-up comedian. There was a new comedy club in the area called the LOL Lounge looking for stand-up comedians and improv troupes, and Leonard just knew he was the joker for the job.

    He practiced his newest material and went down to the LOL to apply. There was a line going out the door. Leonard was surprised there were so many comedians around. It looked as if he faced some tough competition. But Leonard wasn’t too worried — he was the funniest guy he knew. Plus, when he filled out the application he willfully lied and said he’d worked at some of the big-name clubs in New York City.

    Leonard was confident that even if they checked his fake references, once he auditioned, they couldn’t help but hire him. He was so sure of this that he quit his job as a tire buster at the Gung-Ho Garage.

    After waiting three hours in line, it was finally Leonard ‘the Laugh Riot’ Lewis’ turn. He trotted up to the stage just like some game show hosts do and promptly tripped on the stairs. He laughed it off as if tripping was part of his act, but it was obvious that this was not the case.

    After he introduced himself, Leonard led with this joke:

    What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

    The judges glanced at one another with raised eyebrows. One of them wrote something on his clipboard. So, he tried one of his favorites that never failed to crack his mom up.

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

    One of the judges yawned. The other two were playing with their cell phones.

    Tough crowd. Time to pull out the big guns!

    Leonard had one more chance to be hysterical. He had to make good. So, he ad-libbed it in hopes that something really funny would come out of his mouth.

    “Okay, so there’s these two guys taking a bath together. One of them drops the soap and somehow it ended up close to the other guy. The first guy says, “Hey, you mind passing me the soap?” The second guy says, “What do you think I am? A radio?”

    The judges looked at him as if they were waiting for the end of the joke. Leonard didn’t know what to do. He blew the joke, even he didn’t get it. He didn’t even know what he meant to say.

    A radio? What the hell was I thinking?

    Then to Leonard’s surprise, shock, and awe, the judges started laughing. Hard. They laughed as though it was the funniest joke ever told.

    “Wondrous! Absolutely wondrous!” One of the judges stood up and clapped. The other two were still doubled over in their seats, laughing.

    At what, though?

    A standing ovation! Leonard couldn’t believe it. Well, yes, he could; because he knew he was hilarious and had real talent.

    He just wished he’d gotten his own joke.

  • That Saturday

    That Saturday

    This word rabbi is the contribution of our co-administrator of the Word of the Day Challenge blog, Alice, from The59club.blog.

    Ariella gazed at Temple Beth Emet and savored the old familiar feelings it stirred.

    She recalled that wonderful Saturday morning, twenty-some years ago now. Their eyes locked during the meditation portion of the service. Was it kismet they’d chosen not to close their eyes? She felt herself blush and he grinned his reckless grin.

    That was all it took.

    Alas! It was a love affair alive only in Ariella’s imagination. She tried to make Daniel love her back, but he simply didn’t.

    Because he so loved his wife, all Rabbi Daniel could offer Ariella was friendship.

    Perhaps she should’ve taken it.

  • XIV Temperance | Horticulture 101

    XIV Temperance | Horticulture 101

    Danielle had always fancied herself as having a green thumb. Until now. This poor little plant seemed to be dying before her eyes.

    What have I done wrong? How did this happen?

    Before this, everything she touched turned green. People would bring dying plants or flowers to her, and she had always been able to breathe life back into them.

    Danielle went through everything that could be wrong with the plant in her mind’s eye.

    Too much sun, or not enough? Did she over-water? Under-water? Was the soil sub-par? Had her thumb turned brown?

    At a loss, Danielle did what anyone would do in her situation. She called her mom, Daphne.

    After Danielle explained what was going on, Daphne told her not to do anything, that she’d be there asap. Danielle felt better just hearing her mom’s voice. Everything was going to be okay.

    An hour later, Daphne pulled up in her chariot.

    “Dang, Mom. That was fast!” She gave her mother a big hug.

    Daphne hugged her daughter back. “I know. Bill and Sharon (the horses) got new shoes this week. Pegasus’ Fancy Flyers. they’re called.”

    “I’ve heard of those!” Danielle said. “They really work, eh? Maybe I should get some for Rodney and Marlena.”

    “Save up your Drachmas, Dani. They ain’t cheap, but they’re worth it!” Daphne said. “Now, show me this plant.”

    “Follow me, Mom.” The two women walked around to the side of the house.

    “Here it is.” She sighed. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

    Daphne gently touched the plant and was quiet for a moment. Then she smiled. “Daughter dear, someone has played a trick on you.”

    “A trick? What do you mean?”

    “Touch it.”

    “Zounds!” Danielle gasped. “It’s plastic!”

    “It is, indeed.”

    “Who would do such a thing?” Danielle crossed her arms, more than a little annoyed. “I feel like an idiot!”

    “Now, dear. Don’t beat yourself up.” Daphne counselled. “It’s probably just the neighborhood kids. But! I know how we can beat them at their own game.”

    “Really? How?”

    “Let’s go to Wal-Mart.”

    “Can we take your wheels? I’d love to see it in action.”

    “Hop in and hang on!”

    In almost no time, Dannielle and Daphne had landed safely in the Wal-Mart parking lot. They were both a little wind-blown but had enjoyed the ride.

    “I am definitely getting a couple pair of these Pegasus Fancy Fliers for my horses.” Danielle said. “They are dope!”

    “Toldja!”

    Danielle followed her mother into Wal-Mart and over to the paint department. Daphne picked up a can of spring green spray paint. “This’ll do the trick!”

    Danielle laughed. “OMG, Mom you’re a genius!”

    Back at Danielle’s place, Daphne expertly spray-painted the plastic plant.

    “That ought to show those crazy kids.” Danielle put her arm around her mother’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Thanks, Mom.”

    “Of course, dear.” She smiled. “Y’know, I could go for a glass of Metaxa*. How about you?”

    “Comin’ right up!”

    “Now, what are we getting?”

    • Metaxa: sweet Muscat wine from the Greek islands with fine aged wine distillates and an aromatic bouquet of Mediterranean herbs and botanicals