Ergo, the Ogre

Author: Ergo, the Ogre

  • Fibbing Friday | 12/18/2020

    Fibbing Friday | 12/18/2020

    It’s Fibbing Friday again. To participate, click here.

    1. Why is a Pantomime thus called?

    Because Shirtomime and Sockomime sounded silly.

    • 2. Why was the White Rabbit late?

    He had to meat his connection on the other side of the forest.

    • 3. What happened when Aladdin rubbed the lamp for the first time?

    It felt so good that he’d rub it every chance he got until his mom causght him. She explained that if he kept doing that he’d go blind. So he only did it until he needed glasses.

    • 4. How many ugly sisters were there?

    Too many.

    • 5. What did Jack exchange for the magic beans?

    Magic mushrooms.

    • 6. Why do they always shout ‘It’s behind you!!’

    Because it is. If it were in front, they’d shout, “Hey! It’s in front of you!”

    • 7. What was the house in the woods made of that Hansel and Gretel found?

    Nothing. It was an hallucination.

    • 8. Who owned The Mirror Mirror on the wall?

    The ugly ugly girl in the basement.

    • 9. What was the name of Dick Whittington’s cat?

    Dickie Junior

    • 10. Who was Tinkerbell?

    Dick Whittington’s daughter.

  • Windshield

    Windshield

    When I saw your truck

    parked in the driveway,

    for a split second my heart flipped:

    He must’ve gotten off early today…

    Then my heart plunged

    to the depths —

    splatting like a bug on

    a summer windshield.

    He’s not coming home

    not early not today

    not ever.

    The For Sale sign

    on your beloved truck’s

    windshield proves it.

  • Fibbing Friday | 12/11/2020

    Fibbing Friday | 12/11/2020

    It’s Fibbing Friday again! To play along click here. Thanks, PCGuyIV!

    1. What does it mean to “come a-wassailing”?

    It’s the same as go a-wassailing except you’re going in the opposite direction.

    2. What was on Little Jack Horner’s thumb when he pulled it out of his Christmas pie?

    No one knows for sure but he was awfully proud of whateverit was.

    3. According to the song, what was it that “My True Love gave to me” on the 8th day of Christmas?

    A whole lot more trouble than he was worth.

    4. What is the purpose of a Yule log?

    There was the guy named Yule and he had this special log. He carried it wherever he went. It was like his best friend aside from the fact that occasionally he would set fire to it. Yule = Pyro.

    5. What was so special about the reindeer named Rudolph?

    Rudolph. Well! He was an awkward, troubled child. No one wanted to play with him, nobody liked him, they all made fun of his red nose. Of course, if Rudolph knew how to shoot hoops & knew some of the other reindeer games it may have been different. Plus, Rudolph was a snitch. Whenever the reindeers did something untoward, Rudolph was right there to rat them all out.

    6. What were the names of Santa’s reindeer?

    Bob. All of their names were Bob so Santa didn’t have to remember seven different names. Except for Rudolph.

    7. Why do we leave a snack for Santa?

    If we didn’t leave a snack for Santa he would rummage through the kitchen in search of food. He would eat ANYTHING, and leave one hell of a mess in his wake.

    8. Who or what is Krampus?

    Krampus is a little-known delicacy from northwestern Moravia. It’s a cookie made from suet, raspberry confit and cornmeal, topped with powdered sugar and rainbow sprinkles.

    9. How did the tradition of kissing under mistletoe get started?

    Once they discovered that smoking it did not produce a buzz...

    10. Why is Christmas celebrated in December?

    Because that’s what it says on the calendar.

  • It Goes

    It Goes

    It’s Prosery night at the dVerse Poets Pub!

    PROSERY IS a piece of short prose that includes a line from a poem. I will give you the line, and then you incorporate it into your prose piece. Your prose can be either flash fiction, nonfiction, or creative nonfiction. YOU CAN NOT WRITE A POEM for this prompt. AND, your prose should be no longer than 144 words, sans title. It does not have to be exactly 144 words. But it can be no longer than 144 words. 

    YOU MUST USE THE LINE I GIVE YOU BELOW, IN THE BODY OF YOUR PROSE. You may change the punctuation and capitalization, but you are not allowed to insert any words within the line itself. You can add words at the beginning and/or at the end of the line; but the line itself must remain intact.

    I’ve chosen Louise Gluck’s Afterward. The first line of the poem is “Reading what I have just written, I now believe.” 

    Have you ever wondered what happens to unclaimed love? Does it float around aimlessly like a soul in search of a body? Like an unwanted pet whose owners left him behind when they moved away?

    I wonder.

    Yet, the energy has to go somewhere, but I would think it is only of use to the one it is intended.

    Reading what I have just written, I now believe that love truly can be wasted. 

    Not only that but perhaps everyone was right about you, about us, in that it was simply not meant to be. You already found your one and only.

    And it isn’t me.

    It never will be.

    But how does one reason with the heart? How does one stop the love?

    Noble in its narcissism; love is incapable of even imagining it is unwanted.

    And so it goes.

    And goes.

  • Fibbing Friday | 12/4

    Fibbing Friday | 12/4

    Here it is Fibbing Friday again! To join in, click here.

    1. What is a shoe horn?

    A shoe horn is when a rhinocerous horn begins to sprout from the toe of a loafer. This is a rare phenomena and when it does happen, you know it’s time for a new pair of shoes.


    2. Where will you find a grommet?

    A grommet can be found jammed in one’s ear.


    3. We may say ‘the tables have turned’, but what is a turntable?

    A table that turns by itself before the tables turn. In other words, it is a clairvoyant piece of furniture.


    4. How do you make a tea cosy?

    First you have to gently pick up the tea bag and speak very sweetly to it. Get it to relax. Then get an ultra-soft tissue and ever so gently wrap the tea bag snuggly, but not too tight. Next, find a nice children’s story to read to it. The tea will feel cozy in no time, and you’ll probably feel lke an idiot.


    5. What is a quaver?

    A quaver occurs when one’s voice quivers and wavers at the same time.


    6. Where will you find a plimsoll line?

    A plimsoll line is a type of trotline that does not have hooks attached to it, and is perpendicular to the polygons of the trapezoidal hypotenuse.


    7. What colour was The King’s New Clothes?

    I believe they were flesh-tone.


    8. Why was Ethelred called The Unready?

    Ethel was a teenage girl who took forever to get ready. She was late to everything because when she applied her cheap red lipstick it tended to smudge onto her teeth. So then she had to brush her teeth and start all over again. Needless to say, Ethel had very few dates. She became knon as Ethel the Red, and then just plain Ethelred.


    9. 007 has a licence to kill, but what would an 005 have a licence for?

    Agent 005 had a license to drive.


    10. What is a winklepicker?

    A winklepicker is a person one hires to choose their winkle for them. Some people just cannot decide which winkle is best suited to their needs, so they consult a journeyman winklepicker. There is nothing worse than going through life with the wrong winkle.