Ergo, the Ogre

Author: Ergo, the Ogre

  • 3TC #MM77 | It’s the Law!

    3TC #MM77 | It’s the Law!

    Welcome to the daily Three Things Challenge.
    Use your imagination and creativity using one, two or all three words that may or may not be related. There are no restrictions regarding length, style, or genre, though please keep it family friendly.

    Tag your responses with 3TC, #threethingschallenge or TTC, and you can add Di’s logo if you wish.

    pink rose

    Your three words for today are:

    INCUR
    INDEX
    ENACT

    Common sense had successfully eluded Fred’s wheelhouse. This became evident when he accepted a dare issued by his so-called friend, Elmer.

    “Yo, Fred.” Elmer flipped the switch on the garbage disposal. “I dare you to stick your finger in there.”

    Fred thought for a moment. “No, way! You think I’m stoopid?”

    Elmer raised an eyebrow. “I double dog dare ya.”

    The garbage disposal was calling Fred’s name. He couldn’t resist! He was powerless before it.

    “Okay,” Fred acquiesced. “But only for a minute.”

    Elmer grinned. “Up to you.”

    To Fred’s chagrin, he incurred a traumatizing injury to his index finger when he inserted it into the running garbage disposal. Elmer was kind enough to dial 911 as he was afraid Fred might bleed out and mess up his kitchen.

    The paramedics arrived followed by the police. Fred was rushed to the hospital and the bleeding was stopped. But unfortunately, the finger was so badly mangled it could not be reattached.

    Once the press got a hold of the story, it made national news. Elmer was hailed as a hero for saving Fred’s life. As well, a law was enacted making it illegal to put anything in any garbage disposal, running or not, aside from food. It was called the “Fred Finger Law.”

    When asked for a comment Fred managed, his voice thick with tears, “You da man, Elmer. God bless ya.”

  • Four of Wands | Levi’s Snake

    Four of Wands | Levi’s Snake

    Levi was more freaked-out than he was hurt.

    Chimeras* were outfitted with thick, tough hides that were difficult to penetrate. Those four arrows probably felt like a scratch to him. Levi’s issue was an aversion to the sight of blood — especially his own.

    What happened was this: One of the kids on Mount Olympus, Reginald, was taking an archery class. This kid’s aim was beyond remarkable, but unfortunately, he didn’t hear very well. So, when Apollo asked him to ‘try to hit the bullseye’, Reginald thought he had said ‘try to hit Levi.’ Before Apollo could stop him, he’d shot four arrows into Levi. He was about to shoot a fifth when Apollo throttled him. As an aside, this incident ended Apollo’s time as an archery instructor. Zeus immediately put him on hiatus and replaced him with Artemis, Apollo’s twin sister, who was more patient and not quite as violent. As for Reginald, he was quickly fitted for hearing aids.

    For the first time in his life, Levi was thrilled to have a snake for a tail. He used to hate it because interfered with his being a chick magnet. As if having a lion’s head and a goat’s body, isn’t challenging enough; who wants to date someone with a snake attached to his ass‽

    To Levi’s delight it, his tail was already yanking out the arrows. Afterward, Levi went for a swim to freshen up and wash away the blood. As he relaxed in the water, he went over the day’s events in his mind.

    Levi realized how fortunate he was to be blessed with a tail that had his back.

    Four of Wands, Chimera

    * Chimera [kahy-meer–uh] A unique being commonly represented with a lion’s head, a goat’s body, and a serpent’s tail or anything created by taking parts or aspects of different kinds of things and combining them.

  • 7 of Pentacles | The Beauty of the Beast

    7 of Pentacles | The Beauty of the Beast

    Greg was in love. Her name was Rhonda, and she was the most beautiful woman in the world to Greg. Not only was she the hottest of the hot, but Rhonda was also kind and caring; not to mention smart! And she could cook. What more could a man ask for‽

    The only improvement Greg could conceive of was to get rid of that cluster of worms on her head and let her grow some real hair. But hey, you can’t have everything.

    Greg’s hoplite buddies in the phalanx* didn’t see the attraction, but they would never let on that they didn’t think she was an absolute goddess. However, when Greg wasn’t around Rhonda was the preferred topic of conversation and the brunt of many jokes.

    In his free time and when there weren’t any wars to fight, Greg liked to paint. He was quite good and had sold several paintings to family and acquaintances. The more sales he made the more confident he became and the more he began to challenge himself: he painted a portrait of Rhonda.

    The likeness was incredible! He captured very essence of her ugliness — even his hoplite buddies were impressed at the talent it must’ve taken to jam that much ugly into one work of art.

    They shook their heads in wonder.

    All of a sudden, they heard a commotion and yelling in a foreign language, meaning something other than Greek.

    “Holy **skatá!”A hoplite ran into their tent. “They’ve got us surrounded!”

    There was panic all around, and then, the voice of reason: “Everyone stay calm. I know how to fix this.” Greg announced.

    “You guys wait here.” He then carefully picked up the portrait of Rhonda and carried it outside. “I got this.”

    Greg climbed atop a mound and raised the portrait above his head and yelled. “Hey, you assholes! Check out my girlfriend!”

    The invaders turned to look and were immediately blinded by the unparalleled gruesomeness of the image Greg held.

    Problem solved. The invading army walked around bumping into each other and slamming into trees and were no longer a threat. They were easily apprehended and taken prisoner.

    Greg returned to the tent beaming with pride. “Guys, you can thank Rhonda and her stunning beauty for saving your lives. The moment they laid eyes upon her face they were blinded by her elegance and charms.”

    For a moment, the men were speechless, their mouths hanging open.

    And then almost in unison they replied, “Thank you, Rhonda!”

    Seven of Pentacles

    *The Ancient Greeks developed a military formation called the phalanx, which were rows of shoulder-to-shoulder hoplites. The Hoplites would lock their shields together, and the first few ranks of soldiers would project their spears out over the first rank of shields.

    **shit

  • 3TC #MM75 | Schitt and Sharona

    3TC #MM75 | Schitt and Sharona

    Welcome to the daily Three Things Challenge.
    Use your imagination and creativity using one, two or all three words that may or may not be related. There are no restrictions regarding length, style, or genre, though please keep it family friendly.

    Tag your responses with 3TC, #threethingschallenge or TTC, and you can add Di’s logo if you wish.

    pink rose

    Your final three words this week are:
    BIND
    BLIND
    ABOUND

    Ingrid slammed on her brakes as the bright yellow Corvette cut her off from the on ramp.

    “What. Am I invisible or are you blind?” She shouted at the offending car.

    California plates. Stupid people abound!

    She thought about gunning it and passing the ‘vette (as if her 2011 Element was capable of such) so she could flip the driver off but decided against it. People are nuts these days. They might have a gun; who knew?

    Ingrid pulled into the parking lot at work to find the very same yellow Corvette with California plates — parked sideways of course — in the handicapped slot.

    Hmmm. Could this be my new co-worker? Things could get interesting.

    As Ingrid got settled in her office, there came a knock on the door.

    “Entree vous, por favor,” she said jokingly.

    The door opened and in rolled a middle-aged man in a wheelchair, with her boss right behind him.

    “Ingrid Chenevert, I’d like you to meet your new supervisor, Mr. Joe Schitt, from Santa Ana, California.”

    You gotta be shittin’ me.

    Ingrid got up to shake his hand and to tell Mr. Schitt how nice it was to meet him.

    “It’s nice to meet you too, Ms. Chenevert.”

    Ingrid smiled sweetly, “Is that your yellow Corvette I saw in the parking lot?”

    “Yes, yes,” he said proudly. “That’s my baby. I call her Sharona, y’know, like the song? My Sharona.“

    Why doesn’t that surprise me?

    “Very clever,” Ingrid gushed. “Sharona is a very cute car, although I think she could use a new rear-view mirror.”

    Mr. Schitt looked puzzled, “Why do you say that?”

    “Because the one you have doesn’t seem to work.”

  • Monte

    Monte

    This piece was written in May of 2019 for no particular reason, and now it is being repurposed for Fandango’s Flashback Friday.

    To Monte, it seemed as if they’d been walking for days. He wished they could stop for a snack & a drink of water, but apparently The Guy was on some sort of mission. Since they’d begun their journey, he’d barely acknowledged Monte’s existence. Ever since the motorized machine stopped moving and they started walking, it was as if The Guy had forgotten that there was someone on the other end of the leash.

    Monte wondered where they were going, and why.

    Was it something I’d done?

    In his small and addled mind, Monte went over the events of the last several days. He hadn’t done anything extraordinarily stupid, unless you count the Porterhouse steak incident.

    Yes, that was a bit of a boo-boo.

    To Monte, it looked good enough to eat, so he ate it. Come to find out that The Guy had had other plans for that hunk of meat. The fact that he’d left him the bone (albeit scored with tooth marks) didn’t seem to make much difference.

    Some folks were just plain hard to please. He’d try harder next time, though. Monte wished there some way to communicate this to The Guy, but obviously, there was the language barrier.

    Maybe they would happen upon a park soon, and The Guy would think to stop for a break. Monte would have loved to take a load off and rest for a bit. But on the other paw, it would be just his luck that The Guy would want to play “fetch.”

    Monte hated playing fetch. He wasn’t very good at it but it was expected of him so he performed as best he could. The Guy and his friends seemed to enjoy watching him run back & forth across the yard like a simpleton. They’d howl with laughter if Monte brought back something other than what was thrown.

    All complaining aside, Monte knew he was one of the lucky ones. He’d heard a million horror stories about what happened to those poor unfortunates who don’t get adopted. Thank God there was now an ASPCH (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humanoids).

    Even though Monte was of mixed breed (Italian/Swedish), and kind of big & goofy looking, The Guy loved him anyway.

    SusanWritesPrecise
    Kathy and Jet