Ergo, the Ogre

Wildon was an odd one. Abandoned in the forest haphazardly by irresponsible parents — a human and a goat — he was adopted and raised by a family of timber sheep.

They did the best they could with him, but timber sheep are not skilled in parenting outside their species, let alone an interspecific child.

Who is? I ask you.

In any case, Wildon never lacked for love. His adoptive parents, Gary and Millicent, doted on the youngster and his siblings, Gregg and Gergg, thought he was the coolest thing since sliced cud. Having Wildon for a half-brother made them über-popular at school, hence their roaring social lives.

Although Wildon didn’t excel in his studies, he was a whiz-bang when it came to the pan flute. It was as if he were born with one in his mouth. Wildon became obsessed with darn thing and played it constantly to the exclusion of everything else — even beautiful naked women.

The whole pan flute thing got on Gary’s last wooly nerve. Finally, he issued an ultimatum: Either Wildon put the pan flute on hold occasionally, or he could hit the trail. Millicent was aghast and enraged that her husband would issue such a threat against their almost-child. A huge fight ensued and when Wildon left the family homestead, Millicent was right behind him.

And from that moment on, everywhere that Wildon went his mom was sure to follow.