Wild, Wild Asses

Today’s writing prompt over at the Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie is “Wild Wild Life.”

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 It was inevitable. The entire town knew it was just a matter of time before the wild-ass Limbourg brothers and the duBerry twins, Dingle & Razz, would hook-up.

And they were afraid.

The Limbourgs and duBerrys were neighbors and the best of friends—kind of like the Ricardos and the Mertzes from I Love Lucy. Eventually, both couples decided to procreate, as couples are wont to do. First came the Limbourg brothers; Sebastian, and precisely one year and eleven days later François arrived on the scene.

Six months later, the duBerrys unleashed Dingle and Razz, identical twin girls, on the village and ultimately, the world.

The boys were two halves of a whole lotta trouble: What one didn’t explode, the other would implode…according to the townsfolk. Sebastian & François were a lethal, albeit amusing, fusion of fierce intellect and holy-crap imagination. Case in point:  the two boys once transformed their Play-Doh® Fun Factory into a small-scale toxic waste producer. Fortunately, the Hazmat team arrived in time but remain flummoxed as to how the tykes managed it. All they could get out of Sebastian was something about gamma rays and hair tonic. François claimed to know nothing about anything.

Meanwhile, next door, Dingle & Razz were busy spaying Hello Kitty®—just doing their part in controlling the pet population. Barbie and Ken would have undergone similar surgeries, but to the girls’ dismay, the dolls were not only anatomically incorrect but the snub-nosed, preschooler scissors their mother had given them were no match for the dolls’ thick, plastic hides. So instead, they focused on Stretch Armstrong®, who was also lacking his definitive parts, but it didn’t matter. The girls were simply curious as to what made Stretch, stretch.

After the Fun Factory/Spaying incidents, the four prodigies were sent outdoors “to play,” while their respective parents settled in with several rounds of Singapore Slings.

“Why was Hazmat at your house, Frankie?” Dingle asked.

François shrugged. “Toxic waste. The usual.”

“Again?” Razz asked, lighting up a Virginia Slim. “Don’t you guys ever get tired of that?”

“Whaddaya talkin’ about?” Sebastian held up his thumb and forefinger. “We are this close to creating the most toxic toxin the world has ever seen!”

“Yep,” François added. “All we’re lacking is one stinkin’ element…and Ka-Boom!”

“Yeah, okay, Sebo.” Razz blew a smoke ring and rolled her eyes at Dingle.

“Well, what did you two accomplish today?” Sebastian challenged.

Razz & Dingle provided an animated, play-by-play account of Hello Kitty’s and Stretch Armstrong’s surgical procedures when suddenly François’ eyes lit up.

“Stretch Armstrong. Isn’t that the thing with the weird goo inside?”

The girls nodded. “Yeah, it’s wicked. Why?”

Sebastian seemed to read his brother’s mind. “Is there any left?”

Before the girls could answer, François implored, “We gotta borrow Stretch for a while.”

“Okay…but what are you going to do?” Razz asked.

The Limbourg brothers glanced at one another, grinning. “You’ll see.”