On the Rocks

Today at the dVerse Poets pub it’s Sestina time!

This complex form contains six stanzas, each with six lines and concludes with a three line envoi. The pattern of the form is as follows:
1. A,B,C,D,E,F
2. F,A,E,B,D,C
3. C,F,D,A,B,E
4. E,C,B,F,A,D
5. D,E,A,C,F,B
6. B,D,F, E,C,A
7. BE, DC, FA (The envoi of three lines with BDF midline and ECA as the end lines.) Note: The Poetry Foundation gives this variation on the envoi: FB, AD, EC.


She’s sick. Her nose starts to run

and bleed. Crackling leaves

fall out of the trees and spread

a carpet of scratchy brown

over her world. She hugs and rocks

herself; staring down at a street

 

that mocks her. A battered street

sign wobbles, ignored. Cars run

through it and punkls throw rocks

in its face. The sight leaves her numb: she is like the brown

dented sign. The paranoia begins to spread.

 

Flinching beneath her bed spread,

she tries to forget about her street

life; but a trembling finger traces the brown

stain on her pillow. Her senses run

wild: she hears the scrape of leaves

outside, and swears they are sharding rocks

 

into powder. Salivating, she rocks

hard and shivers, tasting the spread

of howling madness. She feels the dead leaves

scrawling her name on the street.

Her best pair of stockings have a run

in each leg, but her five inch brown

 

stilettos are brand new. Her brown,

shiny hair swirls at her waist. And she rocks

across the asphalt knowing the run

in her stocking will spread

up her thighs with each strut. Street

life agrees with her tonight. Damp leaves

 

cling to one spiked heel as she leaves

her corner with some john in a brown

Chrysler. An hour later the street

is forgotten as she shaves sparkling rocks

into lines of powder. The euphoric spread

whispers–daring her imagination to run

 

beyond itself; run shrieking through wild leaves

burning with psychosis. With arms spread like brown

broken branches, she soars to the rocks in the street.

 

 

 

 

Susan Marie Shuman/ Susan Writes Precise

22 responses to “On the Rocks”

  1. Susan, it took me some time to figure out what was going on, but when I did I went back and started again and it made sense. Your poem is alive!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Thank you Lisa. I struggled with it :-).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are very welcome, Susan.

        Like

  2. I like how a brown vein runs through your sestina, Susan, and the way you paint a picture of the tragic life of your protagonist, who is most definitely on the rocks. I also like the way you played with ‘leaves’ and ‘rocks’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Kim. I appreciate your stopping by & commenting. :-)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I love the way this builds up and we are face to face with the character as she descends into that rocky vein of desperation and a life on the edge. Great, a very edgy and modern sestina with yes, the brown, leaves and failing threads on the rocks.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, navasolanature. Much appreciated!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you, Vivian.

        Like

  3. Brilliant, though sad use of the form. The words you chose worked well for the underlying darkness of the poem. The image of a fever works well for the misery of addition. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Victoria! Much appreciated. :-)

      Like

  4. Glenn A. Buttkus Avatar
    Glenn A. Buttkus

    So dark, sad and stark, but the earthy brown sifts through the stanzas like sand residue, providing cohesion and stability. You touch on so much, opioid addiction, love for sale, loneliness, despair; nice job. Your tale was so well penned, I ask, “what form?”.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you, Glenn. It’s a sestina. Check out The Dverse Poets Pub for Ausust 15. It’s a complex form, but fun to try.

    Like

  6. Dark, deep, and right at the heart of dangerous and deadly dealings. Strong write Susan, and nice job tackling the dreaded sestina.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dreaded is exactly right! I’m glad you liked it Rob, and appreciated your comments.

      Like

  7. This is so wonderfully dark, and the theme builds itself to the struggles of an addict living only for the highs of the drugs.

    I think there is a linebreak missing in the second stanza… there should be six lines not five, but I see that you endwords are there, so you just need a linebreak

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for noticing that Bjorn. I must fix it! :-)

      Like

  8. Street life is rocky but this is a well-written sestina!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you, Lynn! These sestinas are tough.

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  10. A sad story. The form is apt–it forms a spiral, like this woman’s life. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right, memadtwo. I hadn’t looked at it that way. Thanks for the fresh perspective!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow, such a powerful – and sad – picture / story. Wonderful use of this form.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Rosemary.

      Like

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