aka, The Abject Muse

Our Time | A Villanelle

It’s OLN (Open Link Night) over at the dVerse Poets Pub. I chose the villanelle below to share.

I still believe you hung the moon

Painted rainbows after a storm.

Who knew our time would end so soon?

The look in your eyes made me swoon

Memories sting and rip like thorns

I still believe you hung the moon.

A balmy evening in late June,

Our first kiss was long, wet, and warm.

Who knew our time would end so soon?

One day I let go a blue balloon,

For you, early one Sunday morn.

I still believe you hung the moon.

Beneath our house lives a raccoon

Her babies are soon to be born

Who knew our time would end so soon?

And now the daisies are in bloom,

The farmers have planted their corn.

I still believe you hung the moon

Who knew our time would end so soon?

*Villanelle

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Ergo, the Ogre

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Comments

11 responses to “Our Time | A Villanelle”

  1. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) Avatar
    Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    What a wonderful and bittersweet villanelle… I can really feel how illusions are coming apart while you still cling to that dream.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. scotthastiepoet Avatar
    scotthastiepoet

    Yes Susan, very well structured whilst still sustaining the emotional range and its interplay throughout, as Bjorn quite rightly refers to above… Lovely and lyrical too – a treat of a read…

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  3. lillian Avatar
    lillian

    A wonderful villanelle. I’m so enamored with the words and the story you’re telling here that I completely forget this is a form poem….and sometimes a villanelle can be a tortured poetic form. Not this time! Well done!
    Did you mean to have “Who new our time would end so soon?” — new vs knew in final stanzas? I can see it either way in those earlier stanzas.

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  4. Linda Lee Lyberg Avatar
    Linda Lee Lyberg

    I love your villanelle, it’s really poignant.

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  5. Ron. Avatar
    Ron.

    Who’s not gonna love a villanelle with a raccoon, some blue balloons, and an absent lover?

    Fine work, Susan. Salute!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Ron Rowland Avatar
    Ron Rowland

    wonderfully poetic

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  7. sanaarizvi Avatar
    sanaarizvi

    This is gorgeously rendered! 💝 Accomplishing a Villanelle is no small feat :) especially moved by; “A balmy evening in late June, our first kiss was long, wet, and warm. who new our time would end so soon?” Sigh.

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  8. navasolanature Avatar
    navasolanature

    Very beautifully rendered through the villanelle and the repetition of hanging the moon and then the loss. Very poignant.

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  9. msjadeli Avatar
    msjadeli

    Susan it sounds like the one left behind has one foot in the past and one in the now. Nature’s gentle tug, but the time is not right yet for letting go. Sometimes I think that pain forms a trauma bond not easily loosed.

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  10. Helen Dehner Avatar
    Helen Dehner

    You gifted us a beautiful villanelle … the ending quatrain so sad.

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  11. Ingrid Avatar
    Ingrid

    I love the villanelle form and you have used it so beautifully here to write a heartbreaking poem of loss and bereavement 🙏

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