Ergo, the Ogre

See? Now, this is why it’s a bad idea for you and your friends to play chicken with bulls, especially when their bodies are that of a large man, i.e. a Minotaur.

Earlier that day, Ted and his buddies happened upon a Minotaur named Malachi. He was almost asleep as he chilled in the sun on a heavy-duty, extra-large lawn chair.

“Hey, guys,” Ted said. “Check out that Minotaur over there.”

“That’s Malachi,” Simon said. “So?”

“So,” Ted continued. “Who is bad ass enough to go over there, and tickle his arm pit?”

“Are you τρελός (crazy)?” Jimbo interjected. “Sounds like you got a death wish, Teddy boy!”

“Sounds like you’re a chickenshit, Jimmy Boy!” Ted retorted. “Simon? What about you?”

“Um, well, no, I’m not. See, my mom just made me this brand-new toga and if I mess it up, I mean if Malachi messes it up, I’m in dee — ” Simon explained.

“Forget it,” Ted interrupted. “I’ll do it!”

“Hold my beer,” He handed his half empty Mickey’s Big Mouth bottle to Jimbo.

Ted then climbed stealthily over the fence and sneaked toward the snoozing Malachi.

He’d never seen a Minotaur up close before. He knew they were big but, dang! The Minotaur was at least twice Ted’s size.

Who knew they had such long fingers? And the thick yellow fingernail things on the ends? And those muscles! This was a stupid idea.

Ted couldn’t just turn around and run like he wanted to. He’d never live it down. He’d be laughed right out of Crete.

Just one little tickle and I’m outta here. He reached his hand forward and tickled Malachi with three of his fingers. Then he turned and ran like hell with Malachi right behind him.

“Run you guys, Run!” Ted’s warning was unnecessary as his buddies were already long gone.

Ted scrambled over the fence to safety.

“Okay, Asshole,” Malachi shouted. “You want some o’ this? See you at the arena at 7:00pm sharp.” Malachi spat. “Don’t even think about not showing up. I’ll find your ignorant skinny ass!”

“You don’t scare me,” Ted panted, out of breath. “I’ll be there. Don’t you worry!”

Ted was so scared he almost peed his toga. He had no choice but to show up. If he didn’t, his family would be dishonored. And he would probably be banished to some awful place like his grandmother’s house.

Seven o’clock rolled around and Ted found himself in the arena. He was on one end and Malachi was on the other. They slowly walked toward one another.

Ted knew he couldn’t win. He didn’t have a chance as Malachi towered over him, a thick string of drool hanging from his lip.

Without a doubt, Ted was dead meat so he did the only thing he could think of: he threw down his weapons and went for the Minotaur’s ribs. He tickled as hard and as fast as he could. Finally, Malachi doubled over laughing.

Then he rolled onto his back for a belly rub which Ted was more than happy to oblige.

When it was all over, Ted had a new bestie, and Malachi got a tummy rub any time he wanted.