IV The Emperor | Butting Bad

Barry was born with at least one mean streak. No matter what his parents did to straighten him out was for naught. Their bouncing baby boy was a bad seed.

His was a lifetime of bad deeds and cruelty. His family disowned him when he was just 16. They have not spoken to him since then. In fact, he doesn’t even know where they are or if his parents are even alive.

And now he stands at the edge of a cliff contemplating putting an end to his miserable life. It could’ve easily gone the other way. He could’ve been a nice guy, a do-gooder, a philanthropist, maybe even a sandal salesman. But no. He chose to be an asshole — a mean, selfish brute.

Sometimes, like now, Barry wonders what his life could have been like if he’d simply chosen another way. After the first few raping and pillaging sprees, it got old. It was pretty much the same thing time after time. The ending was predictable. Ad nauseum.

Why didn’t I quit, then?

He did manage to get married, however, but only because the girl got pregnant. She and the kids put up with him for 20+ years before they finally packed up and left while he was off on a pillaging rampage. Barry had no idea where they were. He wasn’t sure if he cared or not.

Further, he had no friends, which was a given. Who would want a friend like him? He didn’t even know how to be a friend — never had one. Even as a child, he was a jerk. The only reason his pet ram, Marshall, stuck around was because Barry was good practice for head-butts. And Barry deserved every head-butt he got.

It’s too late for me now. There’s no hope. Or was there‽

For a few moments Barry contemplated what it would be like to change.

Where and how would I start‽ Perhaps if I found a therapist‽ Or talked to a priest‽ Maybe there is hope!

Marshall stood behind him listening to his thoughts, which were alarming. Barry started to turn away from the precipice.

Not so fast, Bozo.

Marshall commenced to give him the biggest and the last, head-butt of his life. Marshall watched him plummet downward, the sword flying one way, Barry and his red cape the other.  

Finally, Barry hit the jagged rocks below. Marshall was satisfied that he was a goner.

He walked away feeling pleased with himself, having performed a great service for humanity.