Ergo, the Ogre

Arnold stopped wearing clothes when he was around 13 years old. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror during gym class and decided he could no longer deprive the world of his tantalizing physique.

His parents tried everything from grounding Arnold to psychiatric counseling. Grounding him was a joke. He simply spent all of his time in front of the mirror. The psychiatrist’s diagnosis was that the boy not only suffered from profound vanity, but also Grandiose Delusional Disorder. He prescribed an anti-psychotic which Arnold refused to take.

The school Arnold went to insisted that the students wear clothes. No nudity, whatsoever. This meant that Arnold would have to be home schooled. This threw a monkey wrench into his parents’ lives. Arnold’s mom had to quit her job at Tesla Chariots & Rowboats and his dad had to look for part-time work in addition to his welding job at Three Greek Guys, just to make ends meet.

It was lucky that Arnold was a smart kid and would do the schoolwork on his own — as long as there was a mirror in the room. He liked to steal glances at himself from time to time.

When Arnold turned 16, he started sprouting wings. Nobody knew what to make of it, but Arnold was certain his wings were a gift from the gods. It’s the only thing that made sense.

There was no dealing with Arnold once those wings appeared. Now, he was truly obsessed with himself and how the wings set off his muscular physique. He spent all of his time in front of the mirror or fiddling with his wings, making sure they were fluffy, neat, and shiny.

One day, Arnold decided to take himself for a spin. His parents forbade it until his 18th birthday, but Arnold figured he was close enough. Besides, what could go wrong?

Soon, Arnold was airborne! It was as if he’d been flying his whole life. It felt so natural and empowering. After a while, Arnold found himself high above the Aegean Sea. He’d been so enthralled with the amazing view and the feeling of flying; he neglected to pay attention to where he was going.

Suddenly, five strange, large birds were surrounding him. They reminded him of pterodactyls although they weren’t quite that big. Larger than an eagle; smaller than a pterodactyl. These behemoth birds were screeching at him and nipping at his beautiful wings. Arnold began to cry and was unable to catch his breath — major panic attack.

The crazed birds continued plucking his feathers out and it was becoming difficult to fly.

Finally, there were no longer enough feathers to keep him in the air, and Arnold plummeted into the sea.

His body was never found, so it is possible that Arnold had survived. Perhaps a boat picked him up or he was able to swim to shore.

Either way, his parents put the house up for sale and moved away.

No forwarding address.