Ergo, the Ogre

Tina was filled with a jealous rage as she watched her neighbor, Shawna, going out on yet another date. This time it was a swarthy yet handsome young man driving one of those new low-rider chariots. He had too much grease in his hair. Even his horses looked greasy.

Yeah. Shawna and her bad boys. One of these days she’s gonna pick the wrong one. Then she’ll be sorry.

The young man helped Shawna into the Chariot and kissed her hand. He then ran around to the other side, hopped in, and away they went. Tina could hear his music blasting all the way down the street.

Gag me with a gyro. Kissing her hand? What a dork.

Tina threw herself on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Another crappy Saturday night at home with the family. What is it about Shawna that makes her so popular‽ She isn’t that much prettier than me. Is she? It must be that wavy blonde hair. And those cute dimples in her cheeks.

Tina rolled off her bed and went downstairs to see what’s for dinner. Her mother was standing at the stove sautéing some lamb ribs.

“Yum! Lamb ribs. My favorite!”

“Yes, I know dear.” Her mother, Anita, smiled. “That’s why I’m making them.”

Tina hugged her mom’s shoulders. “Mom? Am I pretty?”

She stopped stirring the ribs and looked at her daughter. “What a silly question, Tina. You’re beautiful. Just look in the mirror if you don’t believe me!” Her mother shook her head. “Why would you question that?”

“How come Shawna is so popular? The guys are crazy about her.”

“Ahhh! Shawna…” Anita smiled knowingly.

“May I dye my hair blonde?”

“Blonde?! Eísai trelós?“*

“Well… Shawna’s got blonde hair. Maybe that’s what guys like now.”

Anita turned the flame down under the ribs. “Sit down, Tina. Let me explain something.”

Tina and her mom sat down at the kitchen table.

“What, Mom?”

Anita sighed. “I am trusting you to keep your mouth shut. It’s going to be difficult, but you cannot tell anyone what I am about to tell you.”

“Okay, I won’t breathe a word to anyone.”

“Promise me?”

“I promise. Mom, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“You know I’m friendly with Shawna’s mother, Angelina.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, we confide in one another.”

Tina sensed some epic gossip coming her way. “Yeah?”

“Remember, you promised me you wouldn’t say anything.”

“I know, Mom. I promise. You’re freaking me out!”

“Shawna’s pregnant.” Anita said it quickly and quietly. “About three months. She’s going to start showing soon.”

Tina’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “No way!” This was even more epic than she thought.

“Yes way, my dear.”

“Who’s is it?”

Anita’s face flushed. “I was afraid you’d ask me that.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“We don’t know. Shawna doesn’t know.”

Tina was silent for a few moments as she let this news sink in. Nothing like this has ever happened in her circle of friends. “Wow.”

“Yeah, wow.” Anita echoed. “The reason I told you about Shawna is because I don’t want you thinking you have to do anything to get a boy to like you. He should like you for who you are, not for what you put out.”

“Mom, geez!” It was Tina’s turn to blush.

“Tina, you’re my daughter and I love you more than baklava. I want only the best for you. Don’t be fooled like Shawna was. Please?”

“I won’t Mom. I feel sorry for Shawna but I’m glad you told me. At least now I know there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“And you’re not going to say anything, right?”

“I promised, didn’t I?”

Tina never told a soul.

*Are you crazy?